Humbleness

Law school has a tendency to deprive someone of their own self-esteem. In the past week, I have been overly-conscious of my self esteem, and general self worth. This bout started on Friday after my interview with the GBLS. The position was something that I ultimately desired for the longest time because it would give me the chance to serve the Asian community in Boston in a bilingual setting. Yet, the interview didn't transcend as smoothly as I would have hoped. In between a lot of background information exchange, I didn't think I came across as strong of a candidate as I could have been. I stumbled in my speech, painted myself into a corner with my Chinese verbal skills, and above all, my phone had to ring in the middle of the interview (Nokia's are terrible). Being my own greatest critic, in my mind I failed to come across as an ideal candidate.

So for the last week, I have been running the scenario over and over again in my head. What did I do wrong and what did I do right? As a result, I have been feeling slightly depressed because this position is ultimately what I want to do, and in the place that I want to be. To compound my current bout of self-reflection, I had a meeting with my Civil Procedure professor today to go over my exam. Throughout the semester, the professor had touted his willingness to meet with students to discuss class and career issues. In fact, he made it sound like he was extremely open to students dropping by nonchalantly. Unfortunately, I never did make that effort to meet with him after class, mostly because I am extremely intimidated by his presence. He seems like the type of person to be extremely confident of himself - almost to a point of arrogance. To me, he was virtually unapproachable.

However, I bit the bullet and met with him today in an attempt to better my current semester and beyond. What I got was the inescapable feeling that I was wasting his time. First of all, he had messed up the scheduling, which resulted in extra wasted time. Moreover, i got the sense that he was constantly in a rush; his wife came in, his phone rang, and he his general demeanor indicated to me that he had no interest in meeting with me.

With that said, his substantive feedback was extremely helpful: I need to have a clearer outline, and above all, I need to write better and be more concise in applying the legal doctrine to the facts. However, the feedback wasn't that simple and straight forward. The professor essentially took my exam, and ripped it apart - not once mentioning anything good that came out of the exam. In fact, for the first two pages, he proceeded to dissect the exam in meticulous fashion and as a result, I felt incredibly feeble.

Prior to meeting with him, I had met with two professors, and to my surprise, I was extremely satisfied at the general receptiveness of the meetings, not to mention their providing constructive feedback in an informal setting. The sentiment that I got from this particular professor was quite the opposite: he was generally unfriendly and extremely lacking in his social skills. I could do nothing but sit there and nod and let him do all the talking. Even though the meeting lasted one half hour, it felt like forever.

Needless to say, I won't be taking any more of his classes...ever. As a result of the events from this past week, my self-confidence is severely lacking and I generally don't feel as optimistic about my overall abilities to be in this line of profession. The stress is building. What if I don't get this internship? What will my options be, given the fact that I lack the motivation to look for something else? Actually, I don't have anything planned as for right now, other than an offer from a friend to work for his dad who is a Connecticut judge. The uncertainty is debilitating.

As a final word, I hope this general feeling passes quickly. Prior to meeting with him, I was at least optimistic about what I have to do for this semester to improve. After the meeting, it seems like there is much work to be done. Nevertheless, I'm trying extremely hard to turn this experience into a positive one. In the meanwhile, I will attempt to figure out my summer, and will make a conceited effort to improve based on his comments, with little attention paid to his general unapproachable nature.

Everything Meant to Happen?

The jig is up: I didn't get any callback interviews. Disappointed? Yes - but not to a point of detriment. I'm more jealous of the fact that my other friends managed callback interviews...many of them. I thought I performed reasonably well in my interviews. In the end, there's only so much that I can hope for.

However, I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. What could be indicative of this ego-buster? Well, for starters, I attended the Boston Lawyer's Group kick-off dinner tonight. Being among a greater number of law students, not to mention a more diverse group of attorneys, has made me realize how much I want to be in Boston after I graduate from law school. In fact, this experience made me envious of the fact that I am not part of the Boston legal community. I am in awe of many of these attorney accomplishments, and it makes me strive to become more than what I think my limitations are.

Last semester, I felt trapped in Hartford, which severely limited my scope. I thought that I could perhaps start my legal career in Hartford, and in essence, thought about settling here. However, what I realized today was that I have no interest in staying in Hartford beyond my three years at the law school. What I truly want is to be back in Boston - among a more diverse, dynamic, and energetic group. I want to be part of the Boston legal community more than anything else. In order for me to get there, I need to work smart this semester. I need to be better than what I think I can be.

In short, I need to perform even above my own expectations. After this interview experience, I realized that I am my own greatest critic. If I don't think I deserve to be at a firm, then no one else should think so either. Before I try to fool someone else into thinking I'm qualified, I have to first past my own mirror test. With that, I leave this entry with three things that will aid me in my ultimate goal of returning to Boston:

1) Write well and develop my analytical abilities

2) Don't sell myself short of my resume

3) Be confident in who I am, and always keep the big picture in mind. Don't let the confining walls of Hartford limit what I ultimately can accomplish.

The Courage to Fail

The official book of my first semester of law school has closed, and never before have I felt so depressed over my academic record. It's not the law school median that has gotten me the most depressed. Rather, it's the fact that my girlfriend - who I know studied half as much as I did during the first semester - did significantly better than I did academically. Despite my hard work, organized schedule, and my collection of study-guides, I ultimately failed to even break the median once.

In retrospect, it's not that I didn't study enough - it's just that my approach was seriously flawed. I opted for quantity over quality, which came back to bite me in the ass. This past semester was the first time that I abandoned all extra-curricular activities to focus solely on studying, and that may have been a contributing factor to my academic performance. But then again, I don't want to look to any single reason as a direct cause to how I performed.

Truth be told, I was naive and a little bit arrogant. My extensive preparation did nothing but put me in the right mind set. Yet, I didn't do the things that were recommended, nor did I take the time to understand what it was that my professors were looking for in the exams. I did not take the time to understand the depth of the legal analysis that was required to perform well. In that regard, I can significantly improve.

Moreover, I was banking on the rest of my class not being as well-informed about law school as I was - which was a genuine mistake because I understand now that there is no genuine substitution for analytical abilities. This skill is something that I need to work on, and something that I can improve dramatically. Law school is filled with smart people, and for this particular law school, the people are incredibly bright and talented. I was foolish to think that a little bit of information ahead of time would be able to put me on the fast track to academic success.

As I said earlier, I have never been so depressed about my academic performance, and a lot of that has to do with my on-campus interviews this past week. The grades were always hanging in the back of my head, yet I was interviewing for firms that I know won't hire me, based on my grades alone. The experience was almost as if I was starving on a desert island, and I could see a basket of my favorite foods only a few feet away from me, but I was to weak and the basket was just out of reach. What a tease.

There was one high point of my interviews, despite the fact that I most likely won't get any call-backs. My conversation with a partner at Day Pitney (as well as my conversation with a vice president at The Hartford) truly helped put some of my fears into perspective. Day Pitney shared her struggles as a law student in Boston, as well as her academic and social struggles at Dartmouth. She conveyed the message to me that grades aren't necessarily reflective of one's ability, given the fact that she too, was the subject to the harshness of the law school median. Listening to her talk (which is strange because interviews should be about me...I guess I failed in that respect) put a lot of my fears at ease. Then again, it was I who brought up the subject of my greatest weakness (way to end the conversation, right?) about my grades. However, I was compelled to share, because it is a sore spot, and something that I need to tackle head on.

Finally, The Hartford responded to my question of "what is the one advice you can give that you wish you knew in law school" with "don't worry about the little things in law school. I am here at this law school for a reason. In the long run, everything will just work out." The words were comforting, but not necessarily for someone who's the first person in their family to pursue one of the most grueling professions out there.

As I look forward to my next semester, I need to concentrate more on what makes my professors tick, and also understand the type and depth of the analysis that is required. This feeling of failure in my first semester is awful, and certainly something that I don't want to feel ever again. However, it is important for me to have that courage to fail, for otherwise, I won't have the right motivation to succeed in the end.

Murtha Cullina

The inevitable trouble with screening interviews is that there is never enough time to say all that you want to say. I spent twenty minutes with a partner at Murtha Cullina today for a screening interview, and didn't even begin to scratch the surface of my resume (granted, he did not see it beforehand, nor did he have a copy). In all fairness, the interview was decent, as we were able to talk about my experiences in college with regard to rowing and being a tour guide (we never got past the education part of the interview).

However, I didn't feel like I made that significant of an impression. Half way through the interview (which means about 10 minutes), he started asking me if I had any questions with regard to Murtha. Of course, I spent a bundle of time asking him about his energy law practice (turns out the bulk of his practice rests on municipal law), his personal background (he started at Jones Day in Washington as a litigation associate, and ultimately decided he wanted to do corporate law, which brought him back to his home state of CT), and about the firm's international business practice (silly me - this type of information I can easily get from the website).

Needless to say, I felt like I spent the bulk of our time interviewing him, which I thought was rather strange. Nevertheless, there were a few positives. He did mention that his daughter is at Cornell, and spoke of her experience while visiting Colgate, which prompted my comment about being a tour guide. Furthermore, he asked about the challenges of law school (pigeon-holed in a 1 square mile block), my likes (intellectual challenge), and dislikes (transition from working to the 1 square mile block). I thought I handled the questions fairly well. Unfortunately, there just weren't that many questions to go around! The touchiest subject of them all was that he asked about my performance this past semester, to which I replied that it was not up to my expectations, but certainly not bad at all. Translation: grades were okay.

I also found it rather disappointing that he did not offer his business card (because someone else had received one). On a brighter note, he did request a writing sample, and that he wishes to see me soon (which I can only assume is something that he says at the end of every interview). I hope the writing sample is sufficient.

Regardless of the outcome, there are a few things I can take from this informal interview: I need to ask better questions above and beyond what is listed on the website. Moreover, I have to take control of the interview in a way that is not too intrusive. In other words, I need to highlight what it is that I want to say - and then actually follow through. I don't have particular high hopes, but at least it was somewhat of a decent learning experience. Cheers to six more interviews in the next two days.

First Interviews

Part of doing well in any interview is knowing how to talk about and sell yourself. Recent trends have moved employers away from traditional interview questions to more behavioral questions. The belief is that a candidate's future performance can be determined based on how he/she reacted to a similar scenario in the past. For example, employers may be inclined to ask "tell me about yourself," or "tell me about a time when you're been in conflict with someone," or "tell me about a time when you've gone above and beyond the call for duty." These open ended questions are meant to keep people talking, all with the purpose of determining whether candidates can articulate their experiences clearly and concisely.

Since I don't necessarily have the top grades to back up my ambitions, I have to resort to acing the interview, and, of course, be able to explain why my life is the way it is. In writing this entry, I hope to be able to articulate my experiences to some of the more commonly-asked questions, and also, why I would be an ideal candidate in any law firm.

I. Tell me about yourself that is not on your resume.

I've been taught to talk about myself in a 30-second commercial fashion.
"I am a first generation Chinese American. My parents immigrated to this country thirty years ago from a war-torn Vietnam. They came with little education, and knowledge of the English language. As such, Chinese was my first language because I grew up speaking Chinese with my parents - something that I still do today. I've watched my parents start with very little, and through hard work, has made something of themselves in order to give my siblings and me a better life. This experience has taught me the value of hard work, as well as humility - values that I have tried to incorporate into my professional and social life.

II. Tell me about a time when you've failed at something. What have you learned.

Quite frankly, most everyone fails at something. For me, the failure stems from not achieving my personal goals: the perfect law school, the perfect job, the perfect apartment, the perfect gf, etc... I realize, though, that no one achieves their ideal life. What that does is that it keeps people motivated in pursuing their respective objectives. Of course, this response will not suffice because I need to be much more specific.

I failed to make a solid impression on my boss while at the Career Services at Harvard Law. He had assigned me a project that I took too long to accomplish, and he accidentally opened the wrong file that sent him, in additional to commenting on my overly casual dress. I took his criticism to heart, and tried for the rest of the summer to gain his respect. I immediately dressed more professionally, and worked diligently on projects that were assigned to me from the other assistant directors. In the end, he took me out to lunch and told me that in spite of our early misunderstandings, he truly appreciated the good work that I did. Rather than accept that he would harbor disdain for me, I tried to use that initial bad experience to rectify the problem.

III. Name a problem that you have faced at work/school. How did you resolve said conflict?

I was a rower in college, and for a better part of my collegiate life, I spent it with a close group of teammates. As such, tensions tend to arise from time to time, based on the demands of the sport, while juggling school and other activities. I remember one morning my senior year, where these tensions flared, and I ended up yelling at my teammate in the boat for various reasons- someone that I actually lived with. That led to a grudge where we did not speak to each other for a day or two. After realizing that this grudge would go no where, I had to take the initiative to apologize and to talk it out with my teammate in order to proceed with our season, which was particularly difficult given the pride we've assigned to ourselves. There's a fine balance associated with crew, and everyone needs to be on the same page. Therefore, there was no reason prolong the issue.

IV. What are your strengths/weaknesses

This is an old-school question that is relevant nonetheless. My greatest strengths are two: humility and the ability to adapt and be personable with a wide variety of people from different socio-economic, geographical, and cultural background. This ability stems from my numerous work experiences, whether the environment is corporate, academic, non-profit, or even foreign. Yet, I have still been able to thrive in these environments, which is a true demonstration of my strengths.

On the other hand, my greatest weakness is that I tend to have a strong-belief in the way that I do things. Sometimes, it's difficult for me to break my habits in favor of something more productive. For example, I have always been set in stone with regard to how I approach my studying, which I was adamant in continuing the same methods. However, given the different nature of legal studies, I realized that I have to change the way I approach the problem by changing how I think. It's only been a semester, but I've become more accustomed to this new technique, and am now looking to get better in adapting new techniques.

V. Why do you want to be a lawyer? What attracts you to our firm?

I've always been intrigued with the analytical aspect of the law. I've also always been interested in international issues, given my experiences abroad. While at the American Chamber of Commerce in Beijing, and at Chinalawinfo, I realized the thriving business environment in China. At the same time, I witnessed many of the hurdles that companies and individuals faced with regard to establishing a presence in China. This element certainly stirred an interest in the study of international law as well as the challenges associated with the study, even though I'm still not quite sure what avenue to pursue. (I would then parlay this experience to connect with a particular firm's international practice/clients, etc...).

At the Cusp of 2008

Welcome 2008. It's hard to believe that I've been writing aimlessly in this blog for one year. 2007 was an eventful year. Many of the things that I set out to accomplish, actually did come to fruition. I quit my job, traveled Asia, traveled to Canada, traveled to Tennessee, moved to Hartford, started law school, and my brother got married. 2007 was a year filled with transitions, new challenges, and hopefully will lead to greater prospectives in 2008. Since this blog started as a new years resolution for 2007, it is only fitting that I try and outline the ten things that I want to accomplish in 2008. As for my resolutions for 2007? Well, number 3 was to do well in law school. So far, that hasn't been fulfilled. I'm still hoping for the best, though. With that said, here are my optimistic new years resolutions (with no particular order in mind), with an ultimate point of setting loftier goals for myself:

1) Stop taking myself so seriously...even in law school.

I spent the bulk of my first semester becoming a shell of my former self. I neglected friends, and stayed away from becoming fully integrated into the law school and Greater Hartford community. In 2008, I want to revert back to some of those things that I have done well in the past - get to know the people, the community, the works. It's obvious that skewing the balance has not benefited my overall academic goals. I'm going to spend the next 2.5 years in law school in Connecticut. Therefore, I can't spend all my waking moments holed up in my tiny shoe box of an apartment. As one of my friend says - work is forever, but law school is only for a few years.
Shit happens - I might as well enjoy the ride while I'm here.

2) Keep the big picture in mind.

Having spent one of the worst months of my life preparing for my first law school finals, I found myself lost in the midst of law academics. Every once in a while, I want to step back, and actually realize the things that I have accomplished, as opposed to the things that I have yet to do. Being the first person in my family (ever) to go to law school is a monumental feat. I should therefore spend less time worrying about the things that I don't have (like perfect grades, for example), and more time building on the things that I do have.

3) Learn to Cook (really)

Last night was one of the first 'grown up' new years eve dinner parties between my friends and me. Of course, it made me realize that I really should broaden my culinary interests beyond the realm of simple stir-fry and ridiculous concoctions on my part. Therefore, I hope to at least spend 2 days/month (ideally, once a week), trying to cook something that may be broadcast on the food network, or found in some Men's Health magazine. By learning to cook, I hope to become a more well-rounded person in general, and maybe one day, I can host my own dinner party (something to look forward to)!

4) Get Involved

Number 4 is kind of parlayed from the first resolution. However, I want to specifically get involved with the community in hopes that I can remove myself from this academic bubble that I've placed myself in for the past semester. By accomplishing this goal, I hope to get much more out of my legal education (as per Berman's comments).

5) Get to know my professors

Perhaps one of the reasons I didn't feel like I got a lot out of my education this semester was because I failed to get to know my professors. In fact, I tended to shy away from them altogether because I was embarrassed that I would not meet their expectations, or that I was too stupid to talk to them. I have to realize that they are career academics, and it is to my best interest to get to know them more on a personal level.

6) Write Better

Admittedly, one of my weakest skills is writing. I'm indifferent to casual writing. But when it comes to writing that requires critique, I'm a mess. Therefore, I hope to concentrate much of my efforts in trying to improve my writing: grammar, vocabulary, and directness. Doing so will hopefully serve to make me a better attorney one day.

7) Get a six-pack

It's time for me to set loftier goals, and I might as well start with the physical ones, since I have been accustomed to lifting for quite some time now. I don't meal to just 'get a six-pack' but rather, take it as a metaphorical sense. I want to eat better, work out more on a regular basis, and just overall push myself a little more in the gym or on the street when I'm running. It's time to get out of that comfort zone. Hopefully, results will soon follow.

8) Make a difference in people's lives

I know this may be a little strange of a new years resolution, particularly after the six-pack one. But since I'm working on becoming an attorney, I want to use my newly-acquired status (or soon to be status) to work for the greater good. Perhaps I can spend my time working as an advocate for prisoners. however, ideally I want to do something substantive in the Asian community, whether that be formally through an internship, or informally, as in a volunteer basis. I have spent the majority of my life following the dollar sign. Hopefully, I can deviate for at least this little while.

9) Have more confidence in myself

I have spent a better part of my life doubting my own abilities. More often than not, I am never satisfied with my accomplishments because I am comparing myself to simply the best. By doing so, I am essentially depriving myself of the sense of gratification that usually comes with being confident with my own abilities. Therefore, I should learn to be more confident in the way that I speak, I write, I interact. I should ultimately spend less time worrying about what other people think of me, and more so what I think of myself. As cliche as this statement may sound, I cannot change the way people perceive me. However, I can at the very least be comfortable with who I am and what I have accomplished. I am who I am.

10) Build my network

This last one builds on my last year's new years resolution with meeting and keeping in touch with people. Since I'm working towards a lofty goal of establishing a decent career trajectory, I should at the very least begin to really meet and stay in touch with the people that could potentially get me there. Therefore, I'm going to revert back to the old school INROADS days, whereby I ultimately want to mail out 100 Christmas cards by the end of the year -- not to friends or family, but to people who can truly make a difference somewhere down the line.

There you go - my new years resolutions for 2008. Of course, I'm also going to build on the ones I made for 2007. I hope nothing but the best this year. Here's to 2008 - and not necessarily to new beginnings, but rather building on becoming a better person overall.

First Grades

My first law school grades are in and needless to say, I am not happy. i felt deserving of a higher grade, given the amount of time that I put into studying throughout the semester. At the same time, I knew that there were things that I probably could have improved on, but failed to make the adjustments throughout the course of the 24 hour take home exam period.

Initially, I seemed content with a B - until Berman sent out his email, whereby he explained his usual rhetoric regarding the end all and be all of law school grades. If they weren't important, he would not have spent all that time trying to convince us otherwise. The fact of the matter is that with this grade alone, I've found myself at or around the bottom half of the class - making it plausible that I won't break median if I were to receive any grade lower than a B for the rest of my classes. The one crucial line - at least half of you will receive a B or lower - doesn't sit well with me, given that fully half the class received a B+ or higher...which hurts. I wanted to be one of those students, and I certainly worked for it. Alas, I hope this glitch is only a speed bump, and not truly a sign of things to come. Otherwise, my efforts will be in vain, and it may be difficult to justify my decision to sink so much time and money into my legal career.