The first year, they scare you to death...

It has been a while since I've even had time to write in this blog. My trip postings have been relegated to facebook, so there was no need for me to explore my thoughts through this blog. It has been over two weeks, however, since my eminent return from Asia, and I think it should probably be time for me to write again as I try to gather my thoughts for the first steps to the rest of my life.

There have been so many things that I have wanted to post on this blog: reflections on my past with lacrosse in Concord, my general sentiments towards leaving home (good and bad), as well as the things that seem the most important to me at this point in my life. Unfortunately, most of the thoughts associated with those topics come in passing, and therefore, I have lost the motivation to write what is deeply significant about those topics.

Instead, as boring as this may sound, I choose to write about my thought process leading up to law school because, quite frankly, it is these kinds of thoughts that I will be happy to look back to in order to gauge my intellectual and personal growth throughout this law school process. For the past two and a half weeks, I have been a machine - gathering up the necessary components in order to facilitate a smooth transition to law school in Hartford. I have bought the furniture, drove down twice with my father, and managed to set up most of the major components. There is another trip in the next few days to put an end to the early preparation.

In a sense, I am trying to get an early advantage to those that may have more of a time crunch than I do. I understand that law school will be immensely challenging, therefore I am seeking to gain whatever advantage I have over my classmates in terms of preparation. At the same time, this advantage is negated because I continue to doubt my abilities to compete with so many students that seem to have a distinct educational advantage over me - students, who may have chosen to attend UConn because of the cost efficiency in the program, and not necessarily because they were not accepted at other schools. Second guessing my abilities has become prevalent as I read and try to understand the "Learning Legal Reasoning" book by John Delaney.

I continue to worry about the social structure of the law school, as well as the Hartford surroundings. In a sense, I do not want to repeat the turbulent social environment in which I was exposed to in the beginning of college, where I seemingly interacted with people who did not share the same interests, and with whom I did not make significant connections with. I am fearful, as I was probably at the start of college, of not being able to connect with my new classmates - some of whom are straight from college, whereas others may be in the same situation that I am - having taken some years off before deciding for law school. How will my social situation justify my leaving the comforts of Boston for the whole new environment of Hartford?

At the same time, I am also fearful of living on my own - not in the sense that I will not be able to handle my own meals/sanitary issues. But rather, I am fearful of how I will adapt to simply being on my own. I think as time marches on, I realize even more that even though I enjoy plenty of time on my own, I also relish and enjoy in the company of others. Living on my own, therefore, will require an initial adaptation process that hopefully will turn out for the better. At the present moment though, the aspect that I most look forward to is not necessarily sitting down and absorbing the intricacies of the law, but rather the prospect of finally being free from the imaginary cage that is my parents' home. The founded fears of living alone essentially takes a back seat to this even larger accomplishment.

I must admit that I have enjoyed hanging out with my parents since returning from Asia. With my brother busy in preparation for his wedding, and my sister practically traveling the world, I am designated to be the de facto progeny - which has resulted in many hours driving in the car to various places with both my parents. They have been gracious enough to support many of my shopping/moving endeavors in the last two weeks and I, in return, have been providing them with glimpses and answers to the enigma that is their children (except, I must admit, that their knowledge of their children grows far beyond what I comprehend about them). Nevertheless, it's time for me to move on - to finally be out from under the protective wing of my parents.

I choose to do most of this law school process of my life by myself in hopes of gaining independence for myself, and away from my parents. For the first time, they will really play a secondary position to my life, unlike college, in which they controlled my well-being from a financial standpoint (which I still owe them a lot for). They may not know it now, but for the most part, these last two years will certainly be the last two years that I will hopefully not live under their roof because I plan on moving somewhere, anywhere, in order to secure this final step of 'growing up'. Not a moment too soon, I suppose, because my family from Vietnam plans to inundate my house come September.

All things happen for a reason, whether I consider them to be good or bad at the moment. As I have always talked about with friends, everything will work out in the end. I'm a firm believer in luck = preparation + opportunity. I hope everything turns out well.