Revelation

Since I have been lagging on my entries, I figured this would be a good time to combine two wholly separate entries:

APALSA Conference

Just last week, I attended the APALSA Conference on Law and Public Policy at Harvard Law School with my other fellow Huskies. Unlike last year, I did not feel like the odd ball all-around. Instead, I found it particularly appropriate that I was at this conference with other similarly-situated Asian law students such as myself. The power suits and the recruiters from the nation's most prestigious law firms did not particularly intimidate me as much as they did last year - where I was merely a prospective law student dressed in street clothes.

Nevertheless, the conference did not hold as much significance as it did last year. The two panels that I attended were not impressive: Asian Americans in Law Firms, and Breaking Barriers. The law firm panel was dry, and populated by a group of law students that may not be reflective of the general law school population as a whole. These Asian American attorneys were the exception; each one graduated from an Ivy League law school, which basically meant that their ethnicity probably did not play as much of a role in their hiring process, as compared to their credentials. Needless to say, since I will not share such credentials, I felt that most of their experiences should only be relegated to a strictly Harvard-event. One more thing: The most significant message that I retained from this panel reflects a general consensus in that Asian Americans are well-represented in major law firms in the major metropolitan areas around the country, which means tough luck for me!

As for the Breaking Barriers panel - nothing terribly exciting to report on this front either. However, the one exception was that Dr. Henry Lee - Forensics scientist for the OJ Case - was utterly hysterical. His general demeanor and approach to life was simplistic, and it seemed like he obtained his prominent position based on a series of serendipitous events.

Anyway, aside from the panels, I can't say that the conference was influential in anyway - aside from the keynote speaker. I thought it was particularly fitting for Carol Lam to be the keynote speaker, since I will be spending my summer as a lowly unpaid intern. However, her speech truly resonated with what I hope this summer to be: A great learning experience while doing "the right thing". It seems that with the presence of so many prominent law firms, many Asian American students (myself included...but we'll see if that changes) are drawn to the prestige and money that generally comes along with law firm work. However, there is also a sense of prestige working for the greater good, and doing something that will help you sleep better at night. For many people, this something is different. As for me, I need to discover what that something is.

This leads me to my second topic of this entry:

Fire

I spent last night coming to terms with my own mortality after the plastic ware that I placed under my oven caught fire. The petroleum based plastic melted quickly as my girlfriend was attempting to make enchiladas, resulting in my stove catching on fire. Subsequently, we ran frantically looking to find a fire extinguisher in the building - to which there were none. We called 911, and the firemen ultimately came and put out what should have been a small flame. Needless to say, Walmart is the next destination so that I can purchase my own fire extinguisher.

In the end, the fire burned the stove, and charred the kitchen walls. Black soot was everywhere, most likely stemming from the smoke. The smell of bbq and burnt plastic just permeated the entire apartment. As I wait for the bill from the landlord for the damage, I have been contemplating the sort of things that go through your head when you're faced with the seeming mortality of your life. Had the gas been on, or if there was a leak, the stove could have easily exploded, and my girlfriend and I may have been seriously injured. I should be thankful that the damage was contained, and that we were able to escape safely.

Of course, the only thing that both my gf and I managed to grab were our laptops. Heck, we didn't even put on shoes as we were frantically running around and out of the building! This whole experience made me realize for the first time -- more than anything else -- that I'm not very attached to material possessions at all. The whole time we were standing in the rain waiting for the fire trucks to come, not once did thought of losing my furniture, my clothes, and my television, phase me. This whole thought process could be attributed to the fact that I don't think I own many valuable items. However, I may be able to attribute this to my Buddhist upbringing.

Nevertheless, I think I was supposed to have a point to both of these entries: Perhaps for the first time, I realize that money shouldn't be the driving factor in my career decisions. For the most part, money is generally used to consume in a material sense. Yet, this whole fire incident has taught me that material possessions don't mean anything to me. If I want to read into this further, my instincts instructed me to grab my laptop (which again, could also be attributed to the fact that it was the easiest to grab). The laptop is symbolic of my law school experience because so much of my time has been relegated to typing in front of the laptop - which demonstrates the regard that I hold for law school. Success in law school typically determines class rank and future employment opportunities, which - after undergoing this first semester job search - has also made me realize that where you work is just as important as how much money you get paid. Sure, money is important. However, I get a sense of pride when I tell people that I will be working at the US Attorney's Office this summer...FOR FREE. For those who are experienced in the legal field, they seem genuinely impressed at my soon-to-be summer experience.

Therein lies my revelation. It's not the money that ultimately drives me; it's recognition and respect. When it comes to money, I'm like my dad - there's a certain passion of his that generally involve watches. Other than that, he generally spends his money on very random objects. For example, I came home this weekend and found a new remote in my room for my 10 year old TV. Of course, I realized that I am the same way: Outside of the essentials, including providing for my family - I don't have that desire to buy the latest everything, the nicest clothes, or the newest car. I just want to be able to make a difference, and be recognized for it...and in the end, be respected.

At the same time, there is this nagging pressure that could influence me to take the less-than-high road by succumbing to the draw of the almighty dollar (That is, assuming I even get offered some of those high-paying jobs). The notion of student loans loom over my head, as is the responsibility of taking care of my parents when they get older. We'll see what happens. But I'm confident that things will work out in the end. I don't know how I managed to draw a connection between two wholly unconnected events. Needless to say, I'm thankful that I'm still here, writing these go-nowhere entries.

One last thought: After coming face to face with imminent bodily danger, I think I might just start living my closer to the edge. We'll see how long that feeling lasts for.