Asian American Heritage Month

It's nearing the end of Asian American Heritage Month, and I am surprised at myself for not writing an entry dedicated to this pan-Asian movement. However, I do have a legitimate excuse: this week will mark my last week of work, and my Asia backpacking trip is just around the corner. Needless to say, I have been busy squeezing out whatever is left of my social life into these last precious few weeks. Let's just say that I won't be sad to experience the change, though.

Nevertheless, I was originally going to write about my preparations for this trip. But instead, my wandering eyes turned to an essay written by a graduating Amherst College senior in today's New York Times. The essay was fantastically moving - the essay spoke a lot about this guy's life and how the people in his life made his trials and tribulations seem a bit less challenging. He emphasized that his lower socio-economic standing was in no way, an impediment to his drive and success - culminating in graduation from one of the finest liberal arts institutions in the country.

Of course, the "bottom" factor reminded me of my own upbringing. It's funny - six months have passed since I completed my law school application essay. Yet, looking back, I felt like so much of that two page essay did not capture the essence of what it was like growing up as a first generation Chinese American with parents who spoke little English. Whereas his essay captures the essence of the characters that invariably led to his success, my condensed essay falls far short by neglecting to mention the support structure in which my family and friends came to contribute to my upbringing.

It was this structure that directly contributed to my pending success. My background was not 'ideal': I come from a poor immigrant family - with parents who worked extremely hard and sacrificed a great deal in order to provide my siblings and me with a nurturing and environment. Culturally, I didn't fully adapt to the American culture until we moved to the suburbs. Before that, my siblings and I were immersed in mostly Chinese culture: living on the fringe of Chinatown, speaking Chinese at home, and even watching more Chinese-produced television than regular American programming.

Even though I have more education under my belt than both my parents combined now, I was not pushed for academic success while growing up. Therefore, my siblings and I were left to discover, in our individual fashions, why we needed to succeed in education. I don't think I realized the extent of my capabilities until college - where I was forced to confront the ramifications of my own decisions. Moreover, I grew up constantly worried over the volatility of my family's financial circumstances. Even as a child, I remember the lessons that my parents have imposed upon us regarding the importance of being stable in our careers.

I am sure that the financial volatility of my family situation growing up, undeniably contributed to why I am so practical today in my decisions, and certainly why I am so risk-adverse when it comes to deviating from a very traditional career path. It is a shame, however, that since college, where many of my peers were significantly better off financially than I was, I have seemingly enacted a mental block on my past experiences. For the most part, I have had scant conversations in college with people regarding the trials and tribulations that I have faced to get to that point.

In fact, I preferred to keep people in the dark about my upbringing for one reason or another. As a result, from initial impressions, I may be inclined to believe that many people view me as a privileged, over-achieving Chinese kid: small, highly selective Northeast liberal arts school, college rower, high school lacrosse player - when in fact I was only a Chinese kid who wanted to fit into the majority. Thankfully, many of these sentiments have seemingly melted away as a result of my moving back home. College was too much of a bubble - it made me almost neglect my turbulent past, which I understand now to be a motivating factor in almost every facet of my life.

Why does my story have anything to do with Asian Heritage Month? Considering I have just finished applying to law school (still waiting on word from BC Law - which may not understand the extent of my personal experiences because I failed to acknowledge them in the many letters that I have sent them), my background is unique in that it speaks strongly about my character development in the face of adversity.

Yet, because I happen to check the box that indicates "Asian American" on all my applications, there is a certain stigma attached to the connotation. The "Model Minority Myth" and Affirmative Action has created a social environment in which Asians are often generalized to be academically inclined - almost if not exceeding that of whites. In my own experiences, however, academic achievement and high test scores, with a few exceptions, is still largely tied to socio-economic class, not to mention the educational attainment of the parents. Generally speaking, those Asians that are the most academically inclined usually have highly educated parents to oversee their educational development.

What does this notion spell for someone with my disadvantaged background? It means that we are lumped together with the high achieving masses. Asians already make up a disproportionate ratio of students in higher education. Therefore, affirmative action in college and grad school admissions, which largely favors under-represented minorities (Blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans) with relatively lower objective admissions numbers, have cast aside many Asians from disadvantaged backgrounds with close to the same numbers. It doesn't matter whether these under-represented minorities come from privileged backgrounds - their skin color is seemingly enough to reflect the diversity pledges of schools.

Even though my struggles parallel that, or maybe even exceed some of the other favored disadvantaged minorities, in the end, when reported statistics indicate a certain percentage of Asian Americans in each incoming class, that percentage may not reflect the overall socio-economic spectrum among admitted students. Therefore, there may be very little incentive for admissions offices to admit more of an over-represented minority.

Of course, none of this is an attack on affirmative action, because I firmly believe in the program. The most pressing issue, however, is that affirmative action has become so focused on skin color, that it has moved away from the socio-economic spectrum in favor of skin color only. I don't have the statistics to back this assertion, but I'm almost positive that I have read studies pertaining to this phenomenon somewhere.

Unfortunately, I almost always compare myself to those that may have had a less volatile childhood than I have had. The fact that someone is Asian, automatically warrants comparison on my part. Many times, I look to those high achieving Asian Americans around me, and wonder why it is that I couldn’t achieve what they have. But then, thanks to my reawakening since being at home and having time to write down my thoughts, I realized that my achievements in the face of adversity, is not something to hide (like in college), but something to use as a constant reminder of how far I have come in the grand scheme of life. Asian Heritage Month is supposed to celebrate the achievements of Asian Americans in American society. Let me start by celebrating mine first.

Where have all the fans gone?

5/14/07: Final score: Red Sox 7, Tigers 1. Japanese sensation Daisuke Matsuzaka just pitched a phenomenal complete game - his only blemish a solo home run by the Tigers center fielder. This game will probably go down as one of the better pitched games by any Red Sox pitcher against a legitimate AL contender this year.

Yet, I was seated among the rowdy crowd at Fenway by the right field bleachers. Maybe I just haven't been to enough games as all these other supposed fans - but when exactly did fandamonium turn into a drunken display of poor sportsmanship and rowdiness? The view of the amazing game happening directly in front of me was obscured, first of all, by a drunken fat chick wouldn't stop talking about anything that was everything. She obviously had about eight too many to drink even before stepping into the ballpark - stumbling up and down the stair for an occasional Budweiser in between innings. Not knowing what inning, the score, or whoever was pitching, for that matter, she continued to harass my co-worker and me with her slurred speech and general unpleasant appearance. I felt bad for her sister who sat next to her, and had to apologize basically for all of her actions.

The fandamonium didn't quite end there. Directly behind me was a group of boisterous young twenty-something’s who ended up being tossed for smoking in the bleachers. Before that, however, they were just generally unpleasant. Drunken frat boys hung in the bleacher seats in front of me - pointlessly heckling the scant Tigers fans nestled in the sea of Fenway faithfuls. Needless to say, I was surrounded by a bunch of Fenway idiots - precisely some of the same people that I try to avoid on a Friday night in Fanueil Hall after a Celtics or Bruins game.

I guess I was just a bit taken back by the type of environment that Fenway Park has turned into. Nay, rather, what it has been since Red Sox Fever took hold of the fans some odd years ago. Perhaps I haven't been to enough baseball games in the past to really be able to track the progress of the behavior of the fans. However, I consider myself a worthy fan - one who has followed the team through its ups and downs - even if I haven't been able to find the time or the money to pay the ridiculous amount of money for a couple of decent seats at the ballpark.

On the contrary, it seems that many of those who have the luxury, time, and money to pay astronomical prices for tickets are, in fact, bandwagon fans - the same ones who abandoned the Red Sox when their season was spiraling out of control in 2006 as a result of an injury-plagued lineup. These are the same fans that seem to think wearing a pink or green Sox hat and perhaps a Daisuke shirt or Varitek jersey, would automatically make them true fans.

Granted - I was supposedly situated in the midst of the real fans - the ones who would stay until the last pitch irregardless of the score on any given game (and to their credit, many of them did stay). However, it seemed as if the novelty of getting drunk at Fenway became more consuming than being engaged in the game itself. In that sense, I was the most bothered (Actually, I was even more bothered by the number of people wearing Kamikaze-esk headbands sporting random Japanese characters and sponsored by Legal Sea Foods...It's something about idiots and Asian-themed attire at a game started by a Japanese pitcher, that really gets under my skin...but I won't go there just yet) . Am I missing the point? Or is it really the point of baseball these days to get trashed, jump on the bandwagon and go to the ballpark to act like a completely idiot, and heckle and scream at the people around you - thus being able to proclaim yourself a true fan? If that was the case, I would be the worst fan ever.

Boston Asian Football League

I have never played organized football until my god-brother asked me to join a flag-football league this past fall. The experience of the first season can be described as remarkably fun - we played some football, albeit without the same intensity as many of the other teams that populate this league. The post-game reaction was usually the same, whether we won or lost. I rather enjoyed this kind of pressure-free environment that our team commodore was based upon.

Nevertheless, this past season was a little different than the last. I guess playing wasn't enough - we had to play to win. Therefore, under the discretion of a few members, we combined two teams to form a more competitive group of kids. The end result, however, was a group I felt never fully adapted to each other's style of play. The group members never came together, and there was still an apparent rift between the two former teams. The league play became serious, and the emotions and competitiveness provoked from this type of environment seemingly drained the fun out of the league. Needless to say, I won't be returning for another season. With that in mind, though, I can write about the different nuances that this league embodies, as well as the macro effects that are an extension of this league.

First of all, I was initially excited to finally do something that was very much part of the Asian American experience in the Boston area. My brother has always played either volleyball or basketball with the likes of other Asians in the area, whereas my sister has been heavily involved in summer softball for the past two years. They have had a much different experience in Boston than I have - considering I spent four years of college away from the bustling city life in Boston. As a result, a lot of my life is seemingly divided between a deep-seeded desire to become fully involved in the social aspect of the Asian community, or maintain a sense of distinction by continuing with my "suburban" activities. The two rarely mix because many of my close college friends didn't come back to Boston with me. The result was that when I moved back to Boston, I settled with my old group of friends - many of whom had developed their own circles outside of the high school norm.

Nevertheless, this league allowed me to be directly involved with this whole Asian-scene for the first time since college graduation. I have come to the realization (yet again) that becoming connected to a group of people solely because of their race isn't the most tangible step one can make. I kind of went through this phase in high school when I associated strictly with other Asians for a period of time- only to realize that skin color doesn't matter without the substance underneath to back it up.

Likewise, little has changed after six years. It seems after all this time, I still have a tendency to gravitate to those who share a similar ethnic background as I do. But this league seemingly reinforced the notion that I don't necessarily have to hang out and develop a close-knit community with Asian Americans in the area. The reason for this is that sometimes, in an attempt to unify an entire group, we tend to marginalize the extensive differences that exist between the Asian American sub-groups.

Personally, this football league highlighted many of the differences that may exist in the greater ethnic community. For example, all the participants in the league came together for a common purpose: to play organized football and maybe showoff some of our natural athletic abilities. Under the cover of sportsmanship, we were all seemingly bonded to demonstrate a certain level of respect for each other's presence. At the same time, it was evident that this sportsmanship may have yielded respect and reverence to others for some, and deep-seeded contempt and animosity for the rest. For example, the Vietnamese players tended to associated with themselves, whereas the Cambodian/Southeast Asian kids formed their own groups, etc. Tempers flared and intense emotions were thrown around at will. Needless to say, without the protective cover of the league and the sportsmanship that it entails, I felt that many of the games would have resulted in an all out brawl.

I personally respected many of the players in the league. Meanwhile, there exists certain players, who in my mind, have inflated egos beyond what should be warranted. These players would flaunt their jerseys, demonstrate arrogance, and even flaunt their girlfriends on the sidelines as half-hearted cheerleaders - almost to a comical point. There was even this one jerk who decided it was acceptable behavior to pick up a random jacket on the sideline (mine, to be exact) and wear it because he was cold during one of the games. It's this type of behavior that I loathe the most, and also what forces me to think deeply about being Asian American in this city.

Of course, this incident is not at all reflective of my entire experience in this league, or among Asian Americans in general. However, the league does go to show that although we may be united underneath the same racial classification, it is still immensely difficult to unite all the different sub-groups. This is one of the reasons that I feel directly contributes to the lack of solidarity among Asian Americans. As much as some people may try to portray a distinct "Asian American Culture" through a variety of fields, the truth is that without the common yellow skin color to bond us all together, we are left only with a plethora of different goals, aspirations, and reverence towards one another. These differences will continue to have a non-contributory impact on the development of a cohesive identity - leaving Asian Americans in a state of cultural limbo in this country.

The irony of it all is that there will be some people out there who may view this league as a kind of reverse discrimination. Whereas this particular league was able to organize by limiting the number of non-Asians on the field on any given play, I would find it hard-pressed to have a league that would ultimately limit the number of minorities that can play at the same time. Pro-league proponents view the league as an avenue in which Asian Americans can truly find a source of support for their athletic endeavors by competing against similarly sized and skilled people. On the other hand, anti-league proponents will certainly cite discriminatory practices by the league. Either way, the league does provide a haven in which to channel daily stress onto a competitive athletic environment. You just won't find me going out of my way to limit myself within the confines of race and color beyond this point.

Global Warming?

There seems to be a heightened sense of fear lately, induced by the media surrounding the theory of global warming. Every report that makes its way into the daily headlines seem to scream apocalypse and the end of mankind as coastal cities potentially become subject to severe flooding, and prolonged droughts will continue to grip the countryside - forcing millions to migrate and consequently creating civil unrest among the majority of the global rural population. Television networks are creating shows that cater to the "green conscious" public by demonstrating the technology that has spurred a marginal growth of 'green homes'. Even automobile companies are gearing up and revamping their products to meet higher gas-mileage requirements by the government (the same one, mind you, that is headed by two former oil tycoon executives - the largest perpetrator of supposed global pollution).

Even so, all these efforts could be in vain. Perhaps this is the pessimist in me typing in a time of even more distrustful views of the global environment. But the fact of the matter is that these large scale alterations in our daily lives are essentially worthless because many, including myself, would only make the necessary changes for a brief period of time before resorting back to our original consumption habits. We, as an industrialized, technology-driven society, have seemingly built our lives around mass consumption of natural resources that have directly contributed to this global demise. Without the automobile to get ourselves to and from work; without the coal-fired power plants that operate our office buildings; without the lumber companies that produce the daily products that we require on a daily basis - we are reduced to a stagnant economy that will drive billions of people into perpetual poverty (as measured by our current standards of American living) and essentially impede our technological and social advancement.

This whole mindset is based on the assumption that we are also a capitalistically-influenced society - where low costs and profit margins seem to dominate our business culture. With that said, even with the availability of energy efficient vehicles, solar-powered office buildings, or alternative sources of paper etc., there is an overwhelming tendency to deviate from these new technologies because our economy is mostly run by small businesses, that may not be able to absorb the short term financial impact of transitioning to more technologically methods.

As privileged members of this society, we feel a sense of entitlement to the luxuries that have been afforded to us at the expense of those who suffer beyond what we can comprehend. I will never know the feeling of stitching $150 sneakers for 2 cents/day so that some first world consumer can have the shiniest sneakers to wear on the first day of school. It is this sense of entitlement that will ultimately contribute to our societal downfall.

I must admit - that even as I write this, I am completely unaware of the atrocities that may befall a group of people I will never meet - just so they can produce products at a low price for the first world. Just as they have suffered by taking the scraps that the multi-national corporations have thrown at them (their profits padded by our insatiable thirst for their products), so too will they suffer the most as a result of global warming. Whereas our livelihood depends primarily on the technology produced by our society at the expense of others, the livelihood of the third world depends largely on the sustenance of the land.

Should we continue our ravenous pace of entitled consumption habits, we will continue to push our planet's resources to the edge of exhaustion. At that point, no amount of recycling can undo the permanent damages sustained by the Earth.