I have never played organized football until my god-brother asked me to join a flag-football league this past fall. The experience of the first season can be described as remarkably fun - we played some football, albeit without the same intensity as many of the other teams that populate this league. The post-game reaction was usually the same, whether we won or lost. I rather enjoyed this kind of pressure-free environment that our team commodore was based upon.
Nevertheless, this past season was a little different than the last. I guess playing wasn't enough - we had to play to win. Therefore, under the discretion of a few members, we combined two teams to form a more competitive group of kids. The end result, however, was a group I felt never fully adapted to each other's style of play. The group members never came together, and there was still an apparent rift between the two former teams. The league play became serious, and the emotions and competitiveness provoked from this type of environment seemingly drained the fun out of the league. Needless to say, I won't be returning for another season. With that in mind, though, I can write about the different nuances that this league embodies, as well as the macro effects that are an extension of this league.
First of all, I was initially excited to finally do something that was very much part of the Asian American experience in the Boston area. My brother has always played either volleyball or basketball with the likes of other Asians in the area, whereas my sister has been heavily involved in summer softball for the past two years. They have had a much different experience in Boston than I have - considering I spent four years of college away from the bustling city life in Boston. As a result, a lot of my life is seemingly divided between a deep-seeded desire to become fully involved in the social aspect of the Asian community, or maintain a sense of distinction by continuing with my "suburban" activities. The two rarely mix because many of my close college friends didn't come back to Boston with me. The result was that when I moved back to Boston, I settled with my old group of friends - many of whom had developed their own circles outside of the high school norm.
Nevertheless, this league allowed me to be directly involved with this whole Asian-scene for the first time since college graduation. I have come to the realization (yet again) that becoming connected to a group of people solely because of their race isn't the most tangible step one can make. I kind of went through this phase in high school when I associated strictly with other Asians for a period of time- only to realize that skin color doesn't matter without the substance underneath to back it up.
Likewise, little has changed after six years. It seems after all this time, I still have a tendency to gravitate to those who share a similar ethnic background as I do. But this league seemingly reinforced the notion that I don't necessarily have to hang out and develop a close-knit community with Asian Americans in the area. The reason for this is that sometimes, in an attempt to unify an entire group, we tend to marginalize the extensive differences that exist between the Asian American sub-groups.
Personally, this football league highlighted many of the differences that may exist in the greater ethnic community. For example, all the participants in the league came together for a common purpose: to play organized football and maybe showoff some of our natural athletic abilities. Under the cover of sportsmanship, we were all seemingly bonded to demonstrate a certain level of respect for each other's presence. At the same time, it was evident that this sportsmanship may have yielded respect and reverence to others for some, and deep-seeded contempt and animosity for the rest. For example, the Vietnamese players tended to associated with themselves, whereas the Cambodian/Southeast Asian kids formed their own groups, etc. Tempers flared and intense emotions were thrown around at will. Needless to say, without the protective cover of the league and the sportsmanship that it entails, I felt that many of the games would have resulted in an all out brawl.
I personally respected many of the players in the league. Meanwhile, there exists certain players, who in my mind, have inflated egos beyond what should be warranted. These players would flaunt their jerseys, demonstrate arrogance, and even flaunt their girlfriends on the sidelines as half-hearted cheerleaders - almost to a comical point. There was even this one jerk who decided it was acceptable behavior to pick up a random jacket on the sideline (mine, to be exact) and wear it because he was cold during one of the games. It's this type of behavior that I loathe the most, and also what forces me to think deeply about being Asian American in this city.
Of course, this incident is not at all reflective of my entire experience in this league, or among Asian Americans in general. However, the league does go to show that although we may be united underneath the same racial classification, it is still immensely difficult to unite all the different sub-groups. This is one of the reasons that I feel directly contributes to the lack of solidarity among Asian Americans. As much as some people may try to portray a distinct "Asian American Culture" through a variety of fields, the truth is that without the common yellow skin color to bond us all together, we are left only with a plethora of different goals, aspirations, and reverence towards one another. These differences will continue to have a non-contributory impact on the development of a cohesive identity - leaving Asian Americans in a state of cultural limbo in this country.
The irony of it all is that there will be some people out there who may view this league as a kind of reverse discrimination. Whereas this particular league was able to organize by limiting the number of non-Asians on the field on any given play, I would find it hard-pressed to have a league that would ultimately limit the number of minorities that can play at the same time. Pro-league proponents view the league as an avenue in which Asian Americans can truly find a source of support for their athletic endeavors by competing against similarly sized and skilled people. On the other hand, anti-league proponents will certainly cite discriminatory practices by the league. Either way, the league does provide a haven in which to channel daily stress onto a competitive athletic environment. You just won't find me going out of my way to limit myself within the confines of race and color beyond this point.
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